The Mother Wound

The Mother Wound

The abandonment and betrayals of “fathers” has the corollary of “mothers” not protecting us or providing our nurturance. It is the mother not stepping in like a grizzly bear,  subduing the predator wanting to harm the cub. It is the mother who denies that her child has been abused by the father or father figure (betrayers). 

This wound is felt within one as a profound sense of unworthiness. “I must not be loved; how could something like that happen if I were truly loved?” 

“The trail of tears” has brought whole civilizations to this point. The Father-land abusing, the Great Mother, not protecting. Father go off to work or war and come home abused, corrupted, and toxically shamed. Our collective ignorance and our natural innate healing process (repetition compulsion) allowing no choice but to pass the wounding on . . . even to our own loved ones. Wives, lovers and children.

The story is told of the father who on leaving work in the morning is hugged and encouraged to have good luck when he asks for a raise at work. Times are hard!

Returning his family expectantly greet him at the door only to be met with a scowl and angry retort. The smell of beer for-warned that all did not go well. When asked how it went he angrily retorts that he not only didn’t get the raise; he was fired. Brushing her aside their son pulls on her skirt and she shooes him aside. The boy hits the girl who kicks the dog who chases the cat who knocks over the lamp: Bedlam!

Had the father not “nursed” his wounds with alcohol; instead coming straight home to the warmth and comfort of the hearth where the couple could have figured out their next move: Had the mother stopped him at the door and expected decorum and love the bedlam could have been avoided.

A tall order.

In the indigenous world there are transition stages for when one leaves and enters the village, for the world outside the village is problematically toxic. Our homes can have the same. And, to a strong degree they need to be even more intentional, lacking the extended family and social network. No sweat lodge or men’s or women’s lodge to detoxify.

The mother wound has its roots in the deeper sense of the “Wounds of the ancestors.” Our female ancestors had witnessed and experienced their own wounding. No structure or means for processing, the wounds went under-ground; soul parts splitting off. Enabling, paralysis, denial of one sort or another then creates the repetition compulsion process.

This leads to our setting each other up to once again experience a wounding. Most often this wounding is felt in the same area of our bodies and the scenes and actors are mirroring past wounds. Our over-soul hoping if not expecting that we will wake up! That we will do our own internal work and heal!

Perhaps the very world itself is actively setting us up to “remember.” Remember, ”We are all one.” Remember, “What goes around, comes around.” Remember, “To repeat the cycle is to perpetuate the cycle.” Until we wake up and take a different path.

HBO's special on War Torn from 1860-2010 is an incredibly painful awakening for us. It is estimated that 100 % of soldiers return with PTSD. And yet, we continue to pour most of our fortunes into war games, weapons and create awful damages and destruction. THE PAIN GOES ON.

Radical Forgiveness works and has worked. It can start with each one of us. Think of one who has wronged you. Feel the pain or discomfort in your body. Breathe into it with gratitude for it's positive intent to get you to do something different. Thank that feeling and the resulting loosening of the tightness. Release that pain into prayer for healing for all involved. Visualize the outcome that is collectively healing.

Beyond this there is a need to strengthen the social bonds and protections such that one can heal. Support groups, mens, women's and gender groups that intentionally indulge in deep grieving and release work. Where is the support for finding strength to not wound and to protect children and the helpless (animals, trees, fish, insects, the waters, the very soil, on-and-on) from being wounded again and again and again. 

Straying from the theme of mother wound, or have I? The succorance and nurturing of the home and hearth allow for our hearts to be open. And, the mother is not just in women, it is the Divine Feminine. 


A mature male is one who is clear, firm, and nurturing.